make a new me monday.

Happy Monday, blogger friends. I can't believe today is April fourth, seriously- where is this year going? What are you doing to make this year different so that you can be the best possible you? This year, I'm going to lose 20 pounds and keep it off, I'm going to grow my hair out- my natural color, I'm going to make sure I take my medicine everyday- so I can actually see if it works the way its supposed to, I'm cutting back on some activities to make room for more time with my family; I feel like I'm here with them all day but I'm just sitting here on this couch in a bad mood. That is NOT good for anybody- I want to treasure this time with my kids; they are growing up right before my eyes- what do I actually have documented and will I remember? I'm making more time for some of my dear friends. In the last 7 years I've evolved as a person in so many ways. I'm a very liberal 23 year old woman who stands on her own two feet, has the biggest heart possible, very honest- sometimes even brutally honest, my feelings are hurt easily, my patience are easily tried, my faith is struggling, and I'm trying to be the best mother, wife, sister, and friend i can be. and while I'm trying to find me, change me, and make me who i want to be im focusing on finishing school, worrying about keeping my husband happy in our marriage and with the house, trying to keep my friends happy so they won't run away and abandon me again, and keep everyone else happy. no more- it's about ME. this is MY life. if you have something to say to me about me, my family, my life, or my past say it to me, to my face- don't be a pussy who sends an anonymous letter that has the most hurtful things in them about a situation you KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. do i know who YOU are? no, i hope to God i never find out- and if YOU are someone close to me YOU better hope that YOU have a damn good explanation. yes- this was over a year ago- but it's still something i struggle with everyday; and it's because of pussy ass people like you that i am struggling so much. i'm no where near a normal 23 year old. id like to say "how many 23 year olds do you know with 3 birth children, given up one kid, and is married?" this life is not easy- this smile is not always real- we struggle every day. how do we pay this bill, what can we put off- how do we stretch the groceries we bought 3 weeks ago, how do we keep our inlaws happy while they financially support us through this "rough patch", how do we keep each other interested in each other, how do we find the time for us?, so many questions and daily struggles. my family and i need a relationship with our amazing God, and starting Easter weekend we are going to church every Sunday evening at Waterline Church- we need this in so many ways, for us- for me, for the girls. I sit here and think to myself, my darling Abigail will be heading to kindergarten this fall, when did I become the Momma of a school-aged child? It breaks my heart, but when I see how amazingly smart, loving, friendly, and talented she is, I know it's because of the way my husband and I have raised her that she is the darling angel that she is- along with the hardheadedness, stubbornness, attitude, and temper that she got from her Momma ;) I've been talking more to my best friend on the phone- getting out of my technological addicted rut and having actual conversations with actual laughs instead of "lol" and "lmao" is way better. My best friend's laugh makes me happy- and she keeps me sane. Our randomness, with her shyness, my brutal honesty and overfriendliness is what makes us the best friends ever. I'm so glad that we're both Mommies now, this summer is going to be great! It's going to be so busy with me going to work (WHAT?!) haha. What am I doing this week? Getting into schedule, seeing some friends, going to the Children's Museum Free Night, celebrating Tyler's birthday, and just relaxing- hopefully! :)

What are YOU up to this week?