Last Day of 2010

2010. What a year.

Looking back at this year, it hasn't been as hard as others- but it wasn't easy. We moved at the beginning of the year into somewhere that was financially more of a struggle,  I started and stopped working (again!), Ty is trying to get a promotion at work, Abi is finally potty trained, Caydee walks now. A year of big changes.

This year, emotionally has been one of the worst. I hit rock bottom and realized my depression is something that is ruining me. I have no self-confidence, I have no self-esteem. This is the heaviest I have ever been- at a whopping 136lbs (even when I was preggo I didn't weigh that much). I've been down on myself, let my grades suffer simply because I just didn't care. I've done things I'm not proud of. I ruined a perfectly good relationship with one of the best people I know just because I felt I could help her more, yeah- that blew up in my face. I found a friend I've been looking for for over half my life- and thank God I did.

I've been trying to forgive myself for a huge life changing decision I made in 2007, but it's slowly becoming easier. A piece of my heart will always be with the VonBlon family, and it changed me, whether for the better or worse, we have yet to conclude. However, though it was the hardest thing I've ever done- I don't regret it one day ever, because I know she is happy and loved and that is all that matters!

2011 is going to be a year of change, discipline, new friends, rekindling old relationships, and getting back to my fun, happy, self.

For 2011, I want to find myself hanging out with my friends, their kids, and laughing. I want more photos, more laughs, more friends.

I am going to work out, and get to where I want to be physically. I think mentally that will remove a block I have. It's going to be hard, but I'm determined! Damnit!

2011, Abigail will start school, I am going to be a mother of a schoolkid. Crazy!! I can't believe how fast her life is going, and mine too!

In 2010, I saw death, unity, and birth. I saw friends struggle. I saw crime rates increase. I saw bullying rise to the point that people took their own lives to avoid it. This year, is one for the books- full of laughing, crying, worrying, stressing, and family- the key to my sanity.

2011 will be my year, I am going to change.

So look out world- here April comes!


(And thank you, for following!)